I know I should be writing LOTS more, especially since I'm almost ready to start my Half Ironman. The irony is that I am getting so close to my goal, and DON'T HAVE TIME to write! If I could dictate while running or riding I would have 387 more posts!
The last month or so has been interesting, well really a mental and physical cluster f. Trying to schedule in a full time job, partime training (yes you need as much time as a parttime job), and just life's little chaos's!
I don't want to complain, but apparently everyone that get to this stage does. They go through fear, anxiety, confidence, back to fear, disgust, 'what the hell did I do that for?" rinse and repeat!
I've completed a ton of races this year, including 3 half marathons! Seriously? that alone is insane for me! in Feb I could not run for 10 min without WALKING! I'm not fast, but I get the job done. I'm super slow, but I don't think I will ever be 'faster.' I blame the Ehlers Danlos!
I've become a better biker through this process, although I still can't climb for crap! This could be a problem on Sunday. The last month has sent me through so many emotions. "I'm ready" to "SH!T there is no way I can do this." I even called and asked about the disability wave. I really never considered myself disabled with the Ehlers Danlos but it can REALLY slap me in the face! (and legs, and arms, and head, and hips.....). I don't know how I feel about things like EDS not being part of the 'disability' category. I certainly am not there with the people who are missing limbs, are BLIND, or other more severe disabilities than mine. I do feel bad for others who have EDS, or other invisible illnesses - there are no breaks. But I have to think, should I there be? Not really.
Last week, I felt that my legs could NOT carry me through the run. The Fairfield Half Marathon was a disaster. The weather was uncooperative and my EDS was aflame! My hips were super out of place, I had a migraine, and my stomach stopped working. I managed to get to mile 10 before lying on the side of the road and throwing up! I just thought to myself, "WTF??? HOW AM I GOING TO DO THE 70.3???"
Ericka was there with me, encouraging and stayed with my pathetic pace. I eventually got back up and finished. We did not make the cutoff, but we FINISHED! I was so deflated, I figured that's exactly how next Sunday would be. Unless they drag me off the course, I will wander to the finish line at some point.
A couple days later I tried to ride the official bike course. It was 95 degrees out and HILLY! I lasted 6 miles before I turned around. I spent 4 days doing NOTHING, just sitting around eating! The mental stress of 'not finishing' is pretty unbearable. You sit there and think "I've spent 10-14 hrs a week for 7 months, countless $$ on coaching, gear, entry fees,etc" and I'm going to throw it away?
My brain says "you can do it." my body says "are you CRAZY?" But this apparently is normal.
I think about the swim, mostly no problem except there's a big unknown of the wetsuits. I am faster in a wetsuit, and I could use that extra 10-15 min! I hope to finish that in 45-50 min! The bike is a big unknown, I was planning on finishing that in about 4 hrs, but it is super hilly and if it's 95 degrees, well it may take me 5HRS! Then there's the run! I will be 3:15, unless I have a run like the Fairfield Half! I just hope my legs work. That is such an odd thing to need to 'hope' for, but that's part of who I am. If I have an EDSey day, I am like a rubber band and my joints don't work properly!
So, I've done the training, I have my gear. I need mother nature to cooperate and I really just have to hope for the best! I will give what I can and we'll see if I make it to the State House (on time).
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