Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Food Intervention!

I've finally hit that "wall."  I've watched "The Biggest Loser" for years and heard them say, "oh I now am disgusted at what I used to eat." I was jealous, as I wished I was disgusted at what I wanted to eat!  I don't eat 'terrible' food, but I know it's not the best!  A while ago, I posted a "my relationship with food needs therapy" post, well it does!  I have fully admitted it!  Not until recently did I realize how much it TRULY resembles addiction! 

I also watch the show "Intervention." Sure its for drugs and alcohol, but ya know what? food is just as bad!  I could NOT be hungry and just eat that Reese's peanut butter egg, just because it was there!  I LOVE Pizza. Beyond what anyone can comprehend, I can polish off a medium Domino's pizza with extra sauce no problem!  I love a good hand tossed fresh dough pizza even better.  I can't stop myself if I see it.  The warm cheese, the sauce, yummmm... seriously I think it makes me high just like heroine or alcohol makes an addict high.  I feel gross after, but it was damn good during the binge. (Yes people I let it digest).

I used to weigh myself faithfully every AM, this kept me in check and I was able to stay the same weight within a pound or two.  Over the last winter, I just stopped because I knew, I just KNEW.  This was something else I didn't understand from "The Biggest Loser" I always thought "how did you not know how much you WEIGH??"- well there's a point where you just don't want to know anymore." - I think I hit that this winter.  I'm almost 8% HEAVIER than when I started writing this blog - sad eh?  This winter was particularly brutal on me!  I'm 13 pounds heavier than the last time I tried to  squeeze into a wetsuit! (I have until May 8th to get into mine).

YIKES is all I have to say!  I have been getting up at 4:15 to get to my early AM spin class and work my tail off.  I have a half Ironman in less than 3 months!  Pushing my body to THIS limit has really reset my BODY and my brain is slowly catching up!    It's not really about the weight loss right now, it's about food addiction and how it makes me feel!   

My Brain wants to eat these things, I love carbs, I love a warm bagel and coffee in the AM.  But with all this working out, I feel like total crap if I eat this stuff.  I am listening to the likes of Dave Scott and pushing myself to my max at points but I can feel my body saying "hey lady, you can't do this if you try to fuel me on junk."  I can FEEL the pizza on my skin, it somehow oozes out and drags my legs down, pulls my butt down, pulls my hair, it just wants me to sit down and watch TV or take a nap.     

It is a battle that I have to face EVERY DAY!  Food is everywhere!  Especially bad food, or food that is in obscene quantities!  It's awful that in order to eat properly you have to go to extreme lengths!

 I spent about an hour yesterday cutting up fruit, veggies, portioning out some cheese, crackers, and writing stuff down so I would know how much protein, carbs, and calories I had to snack on for the day.  I have a "shake and take" smoothie maker.  I have been pre-making a protein shake at night with fruit, soy protein powder, granola, yogurt, and low cal juice.  It is a ton of work to make this happen!  No wonder half of America is fat, its easier to eat the junk!

I officially don't like skinny people this week, it's too easy for you (I'm kidding, just a little).  I really hope that I can get through the food addiction, (I'm sure I can)!  I have crossed that bridge of being disgusted by what I want to eat.  Sometimes I do 'eat it' because its just SO yummy. I know full well what its going to do to me though!  The really sad thing is I KNOW WHAT TO DO, I've known forever.  I've been on every diet, I could TEACH this class.  I bet many of us could.  Same with many addicts.  We know its bad, we know what its doing to us, the 'pull' to the other side is just so great.  Something has to 'snap.'

I think something just did.

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